Liberating Act

I was going through some old papers from a Women's Studies class I took in 2003, and I found this report on a project we were assigned that is rather humorous. The assignment was to carry out a liberating act, something that defied societal norms, or countered stereotypes, or gave voice to those who had none. In the true spirit of revolution, I chose to reverse the gender expectations in the local swing dance scene. Okay, it was a copout, but the report is at least mildly entertaining.

Liberating Action Project

The Pre-Act:

I will challenge the traditional gender roles in a local social dance scene. Most often, in the lindy hop (swing dancing) scene of which I am a member, the men are the leaders and the women are the followers. The men ask the women to dance, and the women are expected to accept any man’s offer if they are not otherwise occupied. While these rules are not always followed in the Tampa swing scene, there is a certain fear associated with breaking them. Even in today’s society, progressing toward gender equality, if a woman declines a dance with a man she is glared at repulsively and hurtfully by a man and denounced by him in the presence of other dancers. This tactic has been effective in intimidating most women, including myself, into automatically accepting dances from any man, no matter how offensive, or no matter how valid her reason is for not wanting to dance, even if it is simply because she does not want to dance at that moment. The alternative is to quickly fabricate a satisfactory excuse as to why a woman cannot dance that particular song. For example, “I am having an asthma attack” or “Oh, I’d love to, but I promised someone else this dance” (while searching the room for that someone else). There is also the dodging method. In this instance, a woman must spend a great deal of time and effort avoiding certain men that she does not enjoy dancing with. This may mean staying on an opposite side of the room from a man, or bolting across the dance floor when she suspects he is approaching her. Other, friendly, dancers, who are hip to the game, can also interject right before the point of contact, preventing the offer from occurring. The fact that this game is played nightly at swing dancing events has always been disturbing to me. At first it made me feel very snobbish and arrogant that I had an inclination to turn anyone away, but then after a while I began to feel justified in wanting to choose my dance partners. After all, the men in our scene have their choice every night and they rarely encounter the same problem as women.
So for my act I will attempt to take control of this choice by actively asking men to dance – men of my choosing – and by turning down a dance, if I am inclined to do so, with a simple “No, thank you,” regardless of the consequences. My audience consists of the men I involve in my act and other regular dancers who are present.

The Act:

At a monthly Friday night dance, I implement my plan. I realize that I do frequently ask my male friends to dance – it is the new dancers and the few offensive men that I avoid asking. I ask men to dance, men whom I generally do not ask because they ask me. They seem pleasantly surprised at the reverse offer, and a few pretend to be shocked, remarking that I never ask them to dance. This makes me feel a little badly because I do not particularly dislike dancing with these men, I just don’t usually make the effort to ask them. Because I am doing a lot of asking, and still being asked to dance in the intervals, I am not sitting out much, and this, in turn, does not allow much opportunity for the typical avoidance games. However, the usual suspects seem to always be on watch, and there are two occasions in which I am asked to dance when I do not wish to. To the first man, I reply “No thank you. I’d like to sit this one out.” It is a gutsy move. I feel somewhat emancipated, but also a little guilty. I receive the dirty look from the man that implies “You just turned me down for this dance so you must reject me as a human being,” and I ignore it. To the second guy, I say, “Not right now, but maybe we can dance later.” This is not as honest as I want it to be, for I know I will not want to dance with this individual later any more than I do now. It works, though. He does not ask the rest of the night. Perhaps it is because he sees that I am choosing my partners more so than usual. There are a couple of women who lead as well as follow, and I make a point to dance with them tonight, just on the principal of breaking tradition.

The Post-Act:

I learned that some individuals will always take offense at being turned down for a dance, but that does not mean I should give into them simply because they feel it is my obligation as a woman – part of a gender category often stereotyped as kind, gentle, and submissive – to dance with them.
At times during the night I felt doubly burdened. I felt I was working harder than usual seeking out dance partners and then asking them to dance, but I also felt the usual pressures of being asked to dance when I didn’t care to. I realized that the consequences of my actions were minimal, and had this been done several decades ago it may not have been as well-received. Most people were open to the idea of women asking men to dance. Some of the newer male dancers told me afterward that they prefer it because they are intimidated by the more experienced female dancers, and therefore seldom ask them to dance.
In the early days of swing dancing, women were traditionally asked to dance by men. It was an honor to the man if the woman accepted, but they were not necessarily expected to accept as today’s women are. We are still supposed to be as courteous and passive as we were then, but we have not gained much ground in the way of choice. We cannot turn down an offer to dance without being chastised for it. I hope to change this way of thinking as much as I can by continuing to actively choose who I dance with. I hope that I will eventually feel less guilt after refusing a dance.